An Intro to My Great Struggle in Nouwen's Prologue

Moving from teaching university students to living with mentally handicapped people was, for me at least, a step toward the platform where the father embraces his kneeling son. It is the place where I so much want to be, but am so fearful of being. It is the place where I will receive all I desire, all that I ever hoped for, all that I will ever need, but it is also the place where I have to let go of all I most want to hold on to. It is the place that confronts me with the fact that truly accepting love, forgiveness, and healing is often much harder than giving it. It is the place beyond earning, deserving, and rewarding. It is the place of surrender and complete trust.

Henri Nouwen, The Return of the Prodigal Son (p. 13)

This guy knows. He knows the utter absurdity of trying - trying to control everything including how we approach God and what we receive from him.

It doesn't stop us from trying, though.