Wrecking My Cynicism


I don't know where it started or even why, but I've been cynical about group projects, events, and experiences for a long time. What I mean by that is I have a hard time jumping into group activities, especially team-building exercises because I expect the group to let me down at some point. Being cynical and even a bit sarcastic about group activities has become a way of life for me which makes it a bit difficult to get to know people. It also means I've missed out on some pretty special moments in the past.

During the last four days of this Beeson experience I've had my cynicism wrecked in a way I was not anticipating.

I came back to Asbury with a call to do this program. It wasn't something I initially wanted to do but I sensed God's hand in the process and knew I had to be obedient. So, I left home and came here with a desire not only to do well with the program but to connect deeply with my spiritual home (which is the subject of another post). A desire to connect with my classmates? Well, you know, I have friends. Friends I connect with one on one. I don't need a group.

Except that I do. Except that God knows what I need better than I do.

I'm still having trouble putting words to what I've experienced with the group of Beeson pastors I'm on the journey with. They make my cynicism melt. I know the academic portion of this program will be great, but I already know that as of today, August 2, 2012, we will finish it together. As brothers and sisters in Christ. As fellow disciples who will not let any one slip away. Where, O cynicism, is thy sting? That's after four days. Four.

The picture above will be a symbol for me of our willingness to love, serve, and protect one another. We gathered in an, um, undisclosed location last night that was very dark. We lit a candle, sang together and prayed together. The Spirit was at work in those moments, destroying my cynicism. The Spirit has done a pretty miraculous thing in my heart already and I am grateful and expectant. Thanks be to God.