25 Years Later
Yesterday, almost two weeks after the actual date, my wife and I celebrated our 25th anniversary on the beach in Florida. She wanted to say the vows that we wrote back then again as an act of renewal. I, being who I am, took the opportunity to do some additional writing and below is what I said last night.
25 years ago (plus a couple of weeks), Pastor Steve led us through the traditional vows and we shared some of our own. This is what I said:
Heather, this is the covenant I make with you. I vow to be patient and kind in my love for you. Never jealous, boastful, arrogant or rude. I vow to love you as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. I vow to honor you and love through prayer. I vow that whatever may come our way whether it is riches or poverty, health or infirmity, joy or suffering to always be a faithful and loving husband to you. And I vow to live out my days in ministry with you and never to divorce you. And I just want to add that in the Old Testament covenants required blood from a sacrifice to be ratified and, with this in mind, I fully rely on the blood that Christ poured out on the cross and the grace that flows from his sacrifice to uphold my vows. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
The words and promises of a 24 year old who had recently had Introduction to the Old Testament with Sandy Richter. Covenental language. They were big promises that I had no idea how hard they would be to keep. Like Andrew Peterson says in Dancing in the Minefields, “We said our vows and took the leap.” We just had no idea that the leap was a lot like Butch and Sundance. I still don’t know whether we can’t swim like Sundance or whether, as Butch says, “The fall will probably kill ya.” But I do know I’m going to keep going with you.
As I look at those vows, I’ve not been kind or patient. I have been arrogant and rude. I’ve not loved you as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. I’ve not honored you nor loved you through prayer. I have been faithful, but not often loving. I have failed in nearly every way I vowed to live with you and I’m sorry. I repent.
I think the only part of those vows that have been true is “I fully rely on the blood that Christ poured out on the cross and the grace that flows from his sacrifice to uphold my vows,” and I haven’t even done that very well. I think the only reason we get to stand here today is because Jesus is in the business of making dead things alive: hearts, dreams, hopes, lives, and marriages. I think that if I were to go back and rewrite those vows twenty-five years later, I’d beat my breast and say, “I vow to fall at the feet of Jesus and say, ‘Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner, for what I will inevitably fail at in taking care of your daughter. Have mercy and give me grace, your pardon and power, for the rest of our days.’”
Since I started out with a line from Dancing in the Minefields, let me close with one, too. Peterson sings,
“'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear
'Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos
Baby, I can dance with you.”
All I know is this, as uncertain as the future is, no matter how scary it might be, we will face it together without fear because perfect love casts out all fear and Jesus has promised not to leave us. Even when we think we can’t see Him or when He’s far off. Even if you struggle with believing that, I’m going to believe enough for the both of us. So, grab a hold of my belt and let’s jump into the chaos. Whether we can swim or whether the fall kills us, one way or another, in this life or the next, baby, I can dance with you. Amen.
