This morning I awoke to another layer of snow and sub-freezing temperatures which was a good reminder to me that death is inevitable. I like snow for about a day, day and a half tops because here in Arkansas we get snow so infrequently that we mostly just wait for it to melt before we get on with life. We're on day three now of being stuck at home and I'm not as attached to breathing as I was, say, on Saturday.

It's Ash Wednesday, though, the beginning of Lent. That day of the year when in pre-pandemic years I would look people in the eyes and remind them they are going to die. Not this year, though. We've had plenty of reminders as over a half-million people have died since last year's Lent. Nevertheless, I'm thinking about death and mortality today.

I think about death and mortality every Wednesday because that's the day my band meeting meets. The five of us confess our sins to the group one at a time and then one of us prays for the person who has just confessed, pronouncing the forgiveness and cleansing we're promised in 1 John 1:9. Speaking that honestly about the stuff I'm most ashamed of is, in some ways, a death. It's certainly a death of self and pride. One might even say we're killing sin. On some Wednesdays I find it easier to die to myself and confess than others, but today was a very tough time for me. I'm coming to grips with the unhealthy way I deal with grief and woundedness which is through anger. I mean, I don't go around breaking things and yelling at people; I am mostly Scandinavian for crying out loud. But, at times, I do feel it in my guts when someone does something or says something I don't care for. I've been interested in learning how to be angry and yet not sin like Ephesians 4:26 says because I don't want to stop feeling. I do want to refrain from directing my anger toward people lest it become hatred which is murder in the secret place of the heart. I really, really struggled with it this morning and my brothers prayed for me and I was so grateful to be forgiven and cleansed.

Later, I happened to ignore my better angels and looked at the Bird Webpage. I discovered that Rush Limbaugh had died. I never listened to one second of his shows, but I knew what his public personality was. I wasn't a fan, something that had less to do with his politics than his persona. I don't need that type of vitriol in my life. I can't say I was sorry to hear of his passing, though I did take a moment to remember that there are people, family and friends, who loved him and are mourning. May they be comforted. I saw, however, that the phrase "rest in piss" was trending on that Bird Webpage and I clicked on it. Of course, it was Mr. Limbaugh's detractors saying either that they hoped he rested in piss, or "live your life in such a way that 'rest in piss' doesn't start trending on Twitter five minutes after you're dead." That's good advice. I'd like to be so full of goodness and kindness and, well, all the fruits of the Spirit so that people aren't tempted to make that phrase trend when I die. (Also, I'm not kidding myself to think that anything would trend when I die. Just to be clear.) At the same time, I'd also like to live my life in such a way that I wouldn't write "rest in piss" about anyone, no matter how repulsive I find their views.

I've often said that the measure of my own holiness can be determined by how well I pray for and love my enemies. Loving and praying don't absolve a person for their sins. We all have to face the consequences of our sins just like 2 Corinthians 5:10 says, "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil." Mr. Limbaugh, like you and me, will have to answer for what he has done on earth, whether good or bad. (Let's not get confused about the doctrine of justification, though. I'm not saying if he or I do more good than bad then we're in. Just that we'll have to own up to what we've done.) Chosing to love and pray for people who are repulsive to me or even hateful toward me isn't something I'll regret having done on that Day. I suspect it won't be for you, either.

To love and pray like that does require a death, though. So go ahead and die already so you can know real life. Rest in Christ.

(I just wrote this without any editing so forgive my mistakes and typos. I'm sure I'll find them later.)

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