Thank you, Central

The last two weeks have been blurry. Moving will do that to a person. Between packing, moving, unpacking, I've had little time to reflect on our move or to think of a way to say thank you to a group of people who have been so good to me.

I've had several starts to this piece and every time I start, I end up drifting away from the purpose in writing which is to say thank you. I think I'll do just that.

Thank you, Central UMC Rogers. From my first Sunday with all the trepidation I felt about a new role and a new chapter, you treated me like you loved me. As we got to know each other and grow in a ministry partnership, you surprised me over and over again with your kindness. Also, my first week at Central included a half a pig cooked overnight in a pit and Jim dumping green oatmeal goop all over Hannah and Les. For Jesus, I think. We framed a house in the parking lot which definitely was for Jesus as we loved a family down in Mountainburg whose home had been lost to a tornado. I got to participate in the Fall Festival for Bonnie Grimes Elementary School with you, which was a blast, and I got to frighten the Central Childcare kids on Halloween with my homemade Ron Swanson mustache. I myself got to experience fright during the all-night prayer vigil for the What If? campaign thanks to someone looking for the prayer room at 2am. We prayed together and read the Bible together. We sang and served. We ate at the table together both in Holy Communion in worship and at our Wednesday Night Live meals. We did a lot of fun and soul-satisfying things together.

We also did our share of grieving and lament together. There were moments in hospital rooms, next to hospice beds, and even in offices and hallways where we shed tears together. We endured frightening moments of uncertainty and wondered about our own survival—survival of our own bodies and of The Body—during the Covid period. And, of course, there was the loss of our dear brother, Jim Lenderman. I don't know about you, but as painful as that season beginning in October 2020 was, I'll always remember that we learned from him what a deep trust in Christ is all about, even facing sickness and death. He showed us, all of us, what it looked like to walk through the valley of the shadow of death and to fear no evil because God is with us.

Your support for me and the staff during those months was simultaneously shocking and yet not surprising. It was shocking because I just did what I thought I needed to do with no expectation, and you stepped in lovingly and generously. It wasn't surprising because that's been your character throughout the time I got to serve with you. You are a people of generous grace.

I want to mention that you're also a people with a great staff. The heart and soul I've seen these people pour into every aspect of life in the church is incredible. Day after day they show up wanting to make life better for the church and to see God move. It was a gift to work with you. It was also a gift to work with some really great pastors. Jim, obviously, had been a friend and hero of mine since I was 16. I never would have survived the end of 2020 and all of 2021 without Dawn. Full disclosure, I've been telling her for over two years that whenever I moved, she had to come with me because I'm 1000% a better pastor with her but she has clearly turned that down. Finally, Rob landed here with a great deal of sensitivity and humility, led us all well, and continues to lead well. I'm grateful for the grace, friendship, and generosity he has invested in me.

It would be all too easy to say something about our paths diverging at this point, but I don't believe that. We're on the same path leading the throne room of the Lamb of God, Jesus Christ. We might have a few miles between us, but in the expanse of God's grace and dwelling, that might as well be a few inches. I know this: our lives are but a vapor and soon we'll be together in that blessed space and I'll still be grateful for who you are and what you've done to make me more faithful, humble, and confident in the love and grace of God.

Thank you, Central UMC Rogers.

Books I Own But Have Never Read

Yesterday, after a friend referenced a scene in C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce, I sat down and read it. I've had it on my shelf since I was in my 20s but I never read it. I felt a little bit of shame in admitting that, but thankfully it did not take much time to read (and it was incredible--something I'll write about later).

In light of that experience, I wondered if there were others on my shelves I'm embarrassed to admit that I've not read yet. The answer is yes. Here's a list of a few others, hoping this will get me off of the computer and into a book so I can remedy my ignorance.

  • Except for The Old Man and the Sea, I've not read a single Hemingway novel. I've read a lot of his short stories, but no novels.
  • Confessions - Augustine of Hippo
  • Orthodoxy - G. K. Chesterton
  • East of Eden - John Steinbeck (or practically everything else he wrote. Sorry, Jonathan Powers!)
  • The Imitation of Christ - Thomas á Kempis
  • Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen. My teenager runs laps around me with this one.
  • Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison
  • Dark Night of the Soul - John of the Cross
  • Anything from Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
  • Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace. I AM KIDDING. I don't own it. I'm not even the least bit embarrassed about this. See also: Gravity's Rainbow

Keep in mind, these are books I own but have not read. I'm not making that list of ones I think I should have read but haven't because it would be too long. What about you? Feel free to email me since I'm not interested in moderating comments.

I think Amazon requires a disclosure that the above link is an affiliate. So there’s your notification.

Don't Look Away

Because this blog gets way less attention from me than the newsletter or other writing, from time to time I'll share bits from the newsletter that I wrote (as opposed to the testimonies I share). This is from August 2022.

In about two weeks it will have been 23 years since my first day of school at Asbury Theological Seminary. I was 22 at the time which means more time has passed in my life since that day than there was before that day. On that first morning, I got dressed and went to the cafeteria. I’ve never been what you call brave when it comes to first time interactions. I don’t walk up to people I don’t know regularly. But, on this morning I thought, “this is Asbury and I’m in seminary. Try something new.” I got my tray and walked into the dining area. I saw some people I had already met, but a man older than me caught my eye. I didn’t know him. So I walked over to his table, introduced myself, and asked if I could join him.

The details get fuzzy for me after that, but I recall that he wasn’t a brand new M.Div. student like I was. He’d been a pastor for some time. Like, since I was a baby. I asked him why he decided to come back and do whatever it was he was there to do. He said, “Because after twenty-plus years in ministry I fell in love with Jesus.”

I have a mental dictionary and under the entry for “incredulous” is the image of my face when he said that. How on earth could a person be in ministry for twenty-plus years and not be in love with Jesus?

Twenty-three years later, nineteen of which I’ve spent in full-time ministry, I now know how naive I was in that moment. A person can love a lot of things and do a lot of good things in life and ministry while first love’s lamp is not burning. Believe me. I’ve done it. A good sermon while total focus is on how well I was doing it? Guilty. Thinking my experience and wisdom are why a person was able to turn away from destructive patterns and toward God? Yes. Caring more about getting a church to a stable place and not risking a thing in order to have more of Jesus? Forgive me, but yes.

It’s easier than you might think to give Jesus just a sliver of that pie called “heart’s desire.”

Recently, I’ve been listening over and over to this message I saw on YouTube. The speaker is Steffany Gretzinger who you would probably recognize from the song “Reckless Love” or “King of My Heart” from Bethel Music. She gave one of the most beautiful messages I’ve ever heard. It was a rally cry to turn our attention to Jesus. I’ve transcribed this part because I want you to read it:

The beautiful thing about God, one of the endlessly beautiful things about Jesus is that, as my dear friend Elizabeth said, "Jesus is more humble than we are." He'll come to meet with people in spite of us. We can often think that when he comes into a room while we're doing whatever it is we're doing, that it was because we're here. That's when first love's lamp has gone out--the minute we think we had anything to do with this. When the hungry come they will be fed because he's good, and to the pure all things are pure. It's why the presence of God moves in rooms where even people who have no character are leading worship. That's not a judgment it's just true. Because God won't withhold from someone who comes in with a pure heart to see God. They will see God. The Beatitudes are mind-boggling! He's so kind, but he wants to do it with us, and he wants to do it through us. He's looking for a bride that won't look away, that won't be moved by the crowd.

She’s not wrong. God will not withhold from someone who comes with a pure intention to see him and nothing else. As Samuel Whitefield has written, “discipleship begins with beholding.” Behold!

Friends, get a look at Jesus and don’t look away. Behold.

Let’s keep praying this until it is true in our hearts: “Lord, I delight in you. You are the desire of my heart.”

Jesus is the treasure,
-Matthew

A Funeral Sermon

My friend and colleague Jim Lenderman died Sunday, May 16, 2021. It was an honor and a privilege to know him, to follow him, and to serve along side him. Among the many gifts he gave me was allowing me to preach his funeral on May 21, 2021 and what follows is the text of that sermon.

In the Spring of 1994, the Arkansas School for Mathematics and Sciences made its students “shadow” a professional in the field they were interested in as a career. I went with several others to shadow some doctors at UAMS because that’s what I’d wanted to do since I was in elementary school. About a month after that, Maundy Thursday of 1994, Jim Lenderman was preaching that service and I had one of the weirdest experiences of my life. As Jim was preaching, I looked up and for a moment saw myself in that pulpit. As it happens God used that moment to lay the groundwork for calling me into ministry at Sr. High Assembly a couple of months after that. The following Spring, in 1995, when shadowing day came around, I spent the day shadowing Jim Lenderman. We spent some time in his office talking about pastoral duties. He printed off some of his notes from an inductive Bible class he had taken at Asbury Theological Seminary and gave them to me—I still remember the acronym CIE, “context is everything” at the top of the page, something he learned from the late David Thompson. I wore a suit that day, I assume because that’s how his senior pastor, David Wilson, expected him to dress as a pastor. We went to the new St. Joseph’s hospital in Hot Springs and visited and prayed with the late John Hays, a pastor in the then Little Rock conference who was dying of cancer. Then we went to Applebees to lunch. When Jim dropped me off at my dorm that day, I was as assured of my calling as the day God dropped it on me. I saw a man doing what I wanted to do. I watched a man that I wanted to be.

I’ve since realized that I have been shadowing Jim ever since he showed up at my school on move in day 28 years ago.

I’ve known Jim since I was sixteen years old. I want you to know that the man Central UMC has gotten to know over the last four years was the exact same person I met in 1993, just a little older and wiser. He was, even then, one of the most obedient and earnest people of faith I’ve ever met. And he was still as in love with his wife here as he was then. He was a brand new father. He was so proud of Hayden and loved him so much and I know that when Jordan came along later he felt the same. That never changed, either. Lots of things never changed about Jim. He was driven. He was a hard worker. He loved Jesus. He adored Beth. He probably never thought so, but he was a person a lot of people looked up to and admired. After he died, when grief sent my mind in a million different directions, I wanted someone from our high school youth group to know and was able to find a phone number of someone I haven’t spoken to in 26 years. Scott recalled how hard Jim worked with not a lot of resources to get us to know and love Christ. He testified that his own son is walking with the Lord with his whole heart and that is a part of Jim’s legacy of faith. Jim’s life and faithfulness left a mark on people.

As I thought about what I wanted to say or preach about to honor Jim, I went to 1 Corinthians 2 instead because it reflects the heart and desire of Jim Lenderman as he followed Christ. To start with, Paul tells the church at Corinth about the manner in which he came to them: not with lofty speech or clever arguments, but with the message of Christ crucified. He says that’s all he wanted to know among them. This is, from a worldly standpoint, an utterly absurd thing to say to a bunch of Gentiles when you show up in the middle of sophisticated and hedonistic Corinth. “May I tell you about a man who was crucified? But is now alive?” People listened because the two do not go together. How could they? Paul acknowledges that he came in weakness and fear and much trembling because what he was saying was not plausible according to the wisdom of the world but in a demonstration of the Spirit so that their faith might not rest in the wisdom of human beings, but in the power of God. 

Paul came in weak. He came in foolishly. It was the cross of Christ to which he pointed which was an absurdity to the world around him, but he wasn’t looking for tips and tricks to get the culture to be open to the Gospel, he wanted the Spirit to demonstrate the truth—that people would hear the folly of the cross and experience the Spirit awakening them and delivering them to new life in the new birth. It’s a blessing to know people who read things like this and make it their life’s mission. Jim is one of those people. His life was shaped by the cross, by the giving of self for the benefit of others. You’ve heard of his sacrificial generosity from Dawn already. One person testified on Facebook this week that Jim, “gave his shoes to one of the men we worked alongside in Jamaica. He walked barefoot all the way back to the bus.” He saw a healing take place in Africa as he washed the feet of a man with diseased feet. When Jim signed his letters, “towels and basin,” it was a reflection of Christ’s service to the disciples. It wasn’t merely words on a page, it was a powerful call to live as Christ. That which the world sees as foolishness made sense to him by the power of the Spirit and he wanted that for all people. Not many of you may know, but Jim used to come in early and sit out by the chapel and as he watched the traffic go by, he prayed. He prayed for an awakening for Rogers that would ripple out into the whole world. I know some might look and think, didn’t he have work to do? He did! He was doing it by acknowledging that he was weak and needed God to answer him if he was going to lead God’s church. He carried a deep desire for us and our city to know the power of God by a gracious demonstration of the Holy Spirit. That was at the heart of his life and ministry in this world, that you and me would know the depths of God’s love and power and that it would upend life in all the right ways for God’s kingdom.

Paul keeps up this theme, that the wisdom of the wise of the age is doomed to pass away, but that which the church and her apostles are delivering to the world is an impartation of God’s wisdom, a wisdom that is so not in line with the way the world currently works, but is, instead, something that we haven’t seen or heard or even imagined. God is preparing something for those who love him and he is revealing them to us through the Holy Spirit. And here’s the amazing thing: we can’t understand God or his thoughts. But the Holy Spirit can. And Paul tells us that we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And what do we imagine that is? What is freely given us by God? That which God has prepared for those who love him, that are revealed to us through the Spirit. 

Himself. That’s what he freely and lovingly gives us. It’s him. The greatest treasure and source of joy and pleasure we could ever hope to know: Jesus Christ, crucified and risen. Jesus is our only hope for any kind of meaningful joy and peace in this life. He is the way, the truth, and the life and no one comes to the Father except through him. That right there is what Paul was talking about when he came not with plausible words of wisdom, but in a demonstration of the Spirit and of power. The reason we don’t get to the Father except through Jesus is because as the only resurrected one he knows the way. Jesus, crucified and risen is the only way. And he gives himself freely to us! Can I tell you that knowing and following Jesus Christ crucified and risen was Jim’s desire? You could see it in his life and in his words, but also as he approached his last moments. Do you know what he wanted to talk about? Do you know what occupied his mind? It was the things freely given us by God! He was trying to wrap his heart and mind around the love within and between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. That’s what he wanted! To be filled with that love since Jesus prayed in John 17:26 that the love with which the Father loves the Son would be in us. Jim had a taste of that and wanted more even as he prepared for the unreal, indescribable experience of existing in God’s presence. A few weeks ago, when he gave me back a book I loaned him called “Our People Die Well: Glorious Accounts of Early Methodists at Death’s Door” I opened it and found a scrap of paper upon which he wrote a quote from a condemned prisoner named John Lancaster that read, “if a foretaste be so sweet, what must the full enjoyment be?” My friend not only enjoyed the foretaste, but he now has the full enjoyment.

Through the Spirit’s revealing work in us, giving Jesus freely to us in our spirits, he gives us the mind of Christ. If we understand anything it’s because of the Holy Spirit and he wants to give us Christ’s mind, his way of seeing things, his way of loving, his way of living. This allows us to put the main thing as the main thing in life. That which “no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined,” but that which “God has prepared for those who love him.” That becomes front and center for you when Jesus becomes everything to you. Precious Jesus. 

In the 17th century, a German lawyer named Johann Franck wrote a hymn called Jesus, Priceless Treasure. The last stanza reads:

Banish thoughts of sadness, 

for the Lord of gladness, 

Jesus, enters in; 

though the clouds may gather, 

those who love the Savior 

still have peace within. 

Though I bear much sorrow here, 

still in you lies purest pleasure, 

Jesus, priceless treasure!  

Having the mind of Christ shifts our focus onto the main thing, Jesus, so that when the clouds of life gather, we still have peace. That even when we bear much sorrow, Jesus is still the source of purest pleasure. Paul’s ministry of proclaiming Jesus so that the so-called wisdom of the world was overcome by the demonstration of the Spirit’s power was so that we may ultimately know Jesus as the most important anything of life.

That’s not only truth. That’s not only what Paul desired for us. It’s the main thing of life, and it’s what I’ve learned from Jim for almost thirty years. I remember my senior year of high school, Jim put me on the youth leadership council and we had weekly meetings. Jim told us one night about a death and dying class he took in seminary. One of the assignments was to write your own obituary. I wish we’d been able to find it, partly to see how well my memory stands up, but in general terms I remember it for two things. One, it expressed his desire to be a loving husband and father. Two, it expressed a desire to treasure Jesus above all else. The point of the assignment was to think about this day, about what you’d want people to think and say about you, so that you would start living in such a way that they would actually say those things at your death. Jim, like the Apostle Paul before him, wanted to know nothing among you but Jesus Christ and him crucified and risen. Mission accomplished.

Years ago I read a book on preaching by a well known Methodist. I was intrigued by the chapter on funeral sermons because one of the questions he would ask families was, “What do you think your loved one would say to you right now if he could?” Paul says “what no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him,” that has become sight and reality. I think Jim would tell us, “this is better than I could have ever imagined and I’m so glad I gave my life completely for this!” I think he would say that an audacious vision for awakening in Benton County or for raising money to give away 22,000 Bibles in Africa or investing in evangelism and church planting in India was worth pursing. Jim not only had the mind of Christ, but the heart of Christ for you, for me, and for the whole world. He clung to Romans 8:18 and that glory has now been revealed to him and while the sufferings of this present time aren’t worth comparing to it, I have no doubt that Jim has already said to himself that following Jesus was totally worth it as he sees his Savior face to face. It was the testimony of the Spirit, alive in him, that led him into a life of love and obedience. His life serves as a testimony to the power of God in the resurrection that will be ours as well if we, like Jim, follow Jesus with the Spirit’s help to the Father. I’d love for you to consider Jim’s legacy of following obediently and earnestly after Jesus. I’m proud and humbled to be a part of the fruit of that faith and I want to know Jesus like he did. Consider this an invitation to follow Jim as he followed Christ. You won’t be disappointed. He is precious. He is worthy.

Ash Wednesday and Rush Limbaugh

This morning I awoke to another layer of snow and sub-freezing temperatures which was a good reminder to me that death is inevitable. I like snow for about a day, day and a half tops because here in Arkansas we get snow so infrequently that we mostly just wait for it to melt before we get on with life. We're on day three now of being stuck at home and I'm not as attached to breathing as I was, say, on Saturday.

It's Ash Wednesday, though, the beginning of Lent. That day of the year when in pre-pandemic years I would look people in the eyes and remind them they are going to die. Not this year, though. We've had plenty of reminders as over a half-million people have died since last year's Lent. Nevertheless, I'm thinking about death and mortality today.

I think about death and mortality every Wednesday because that's the day my band meeting meets. The five of us confess our sins to the group one at a time and then one of us prays for the person who has just confessed, pronouncing the forgiveness and cleansing we're promised in 1 John 1:9. Speaking that honestly about the stuff I'm most ashamed of is, in some ways, a death. It's certainly a death of self and pride. One might even say we're killing sin. On some Wednesdays I find it easier to die to myself and confess than others, but today was a very tough time for me. I'm coming to grips with the unhealthy way I deal with grief and woundedness which is through anger. I mean, I don't go around breaking things and yelling at people; I am mostly Scandinavian for crying out loud. But, at times, I do feel it in my guts when someone does something or says something I don't care for. I've been interested in learning how to be angry and yet not sin like Ephesians 4:26 says because I don't want to stop feeling. I do want to refrain from directing my anger toward people lest it become hatred which is murder in the secret place of the heart. I really, really struggled with it this morning and my brothers prayed for me and I was so grateful to be forgiven and cleansed.

Later, I happened to ignore my better angels and looked at the Bird Webpage. I discovered that Rush Limbaugh had died. I never listened to one second of his shows, but I knew what his public personality was. I wasn't a fan, something that had less to do with his politics than his persona. I don't need that type of vitriol in my life. I can't say I was sorry to hear of his passing, though I did take a moment to remember that there are people, family and friends, who loved him and are mourning. May they be comforted. I saw, however, that the phrase "rest in piss" was trending on that Bird Webpage and I clicked on it. Of course, it was Mr. Limbaugh's detractors saying either that they hoped he rested in piss, or "live your life in such a way that 'rest in piss' doesn't start trending on Twitter five minutes after you're dead." That's good advice. I'd like to be so full of goodness and kindness and, well, all the fruits of the Spirit so that people aren't tempted to make that phrase trend when I die. (Also, I'm not kidding myself to think that anything would trend when I die. Just to be clear.) At the same time, I'd also like to live my life in such a way that I wouldn't write "rest in piss" about anyone, no matter how repulsive I find their views.

I've often said that the measure of my own holiness can be determined by how well I pray for and love my enemies. Loving and praying don't absolve a person for their sins. We all have to face the consequences of our sins just like 2 Corinthians 5:10 says, "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil." Mr. Limbaugh, like you and me, will have to answer for what he has done on earth, whether good or bad. (Let's not get confused about the doctrine of justification, though. I'm not saying if he or I do more good than bad then we're in. Just that we'll have to own up to what we've done.) Chosing to love and pray for people who are repulsive to me or even hateful toward me isn't something I'll regret having done on that Day. I suspect it won't be for you, either.

To love and pray like that does require a death, though. So go ahead and die already so you can know real life. Rest in Christ.

(I just wrote this without any editing so forgive my mistakes and typos. I'm sure I'll find them later.)

COMMENTS

Reading in 2020

I'm much more of a book hoarder than a reader it seems. This morning, I finished writing down my list of books I read in 2019. Seventeen books were on the list. That took little effort on my part, especially since five or six of them were ones I read on my Kindle as I'm going to bed. I have to do better than that, otherwise I'm being a pretty terrible steward of the riches I've spent over the years on books.

So, I collected a bunch of books and organized them into a box accompanied by a list of which ones I chose. I'm putting the list here in case anyone thinks they might be interested in a particular title. Also, I need to report on my progress at the end of the year so I can either celebrate or hang my head in shame.

A couple of notes, the first three are my every day reads. Devotional material, if you will. One of the books, Preaching in the Spirit by Dennis F. Kinlaw, is one I read every single year. Finally, I'm making a concerted effort to mix in some fiction this year. I've been very, very bad about reading fiction since I graduated from college with a, you know, degree in English. Without further ado, here they are:

Lent 2018 - Holy Saturday

This is the last entry for the Lenten diary my friend and fellow pastor wrote about his fasting experiences during Lent. I appreciate all of the feedback given during these last seven weeks and have passed on all of the encouragement to my friend. Thanks for reading.

-Matthew

Saturday, March 31, 2018                     Holy Saturday

 

O God, Creator of heaven and earth: Grant that, as the crucified body of your dear Son was laid in the tomb and rested on this holy Sabbath, so we may await with him the coming of the third day, and rise with him to newness of life; who now lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.  Amen.  -Book of Common Prayer

 

Tonight at the Great Vigil, sometime around sunset which marks the end of the day, the Gospel of St. Mark chapter 16:1-8 will be read and will be the first of many proclamations of the empty tomb and the Resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.  While I won’t eat immediately after the gospel reading, that moment marks the end of my period of fasting and transitions into not only the greatest day of the year, but also a period of feasting.  We are moving into celebration soon.  Easter is the best.

 

I thought I’d just reflect briefly on some things I’ve really appreciated this year during my fasting.  I have had some good family time, especially with the kids, teaching them not only about fasting – which is an annual occurrence for them to witness now – but also encouraging my older ones as they give up things for Lent, explaining to my youngest what my prayer book is and having him sit on my lap during a few prayer times.  We have especially honed in on the story of Jesus the past few weeks during bedtime and we will read from “The Jesus Storybook Bible” which is outstanding.  We tell the story.  And then we tell it again.  You see, I want this story of Jesus and his love and victory to be THE story that defines who they are.  I love their questions and comments.  My youngest telling me his favorite picture in the Jesus Storybook Bible is the one with Jesus on the cross.  My others asking me questions about Judas and why he did what he did.  You can do these sorts of things without fasting, of course.  We do faith focused things around bedtime all year round.  What fasting does for me, however, is to set this time apart.  This time is special.  I’ve appreciated my prayer times.  I am able to be consistent in prayer during my fasts in a way I am not able to in other times of the year.  I will attempt to continue some sort of continual prayer throughout the day, but fasting adds a discipline that I so badly need.  The result of this is that currently I feel at peace with God even in the midst of the busiest time of the year for me at work.  In fact, I feel an abiding joy and great anticipation for Easter.  Another thing I am appreciating right now is the journey I’ve made with my back pain.  It has hampered my ability to work.  I’ve had to lay down in my office, or walk around, or stretch out.  I’ve had several doctor’s appointments where they don’t seem to be able to keep my back aligned properly.  Nonetheless, I continue to think of how God’s grace is sufficient for me and I am less angry about my back pain now than I was before.  I am not “there” yet – as in, I have not arrived.  But I do think I have grown not in spite of the pain, but probably because of it.  That is a surprise. 

 

This will most likely be my last entry for this journal.  I do hope it helps you to consider the ancient Christian discipline of fasting and the work the Holy Spirit does through it.  But I hope above all that the joy and power of Christ’s Resurrection envelopes and overwhelms you, and that the transforming and sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit fills you to full and over flowing and that the richest blessings of God the Father are yours now and forever. 

Have a blessed Easter, for He is Risen!

Lent 2018 - Good Friday

Another entry in the Lent diary from my friend who is fasting from food during this season:

Friday, March 30, 2018                         Good Friday

           

“Is it nothing to you, all you that pass by? Behold and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow which is done unto me, wherewith the Lord hath afflicted me.”  -Lamentations 1:12

 

This verse is in the beginning of the prayer service in the Book of Common Prayer for the Lenten season and it seemed especially fitting today on Good Friday.  Today will be a somber and contemplative day as well as a busy one.  I have many preparations to do for tonight’s worship service, as well as work to do on my Easter Sermon – which is a weird head space to be in as I contemplate the death of Christ to think on preaching the victory of Christ.  I will take some prayer time today to really contemplate the cross of Christ. 

 

It is strange to think my fasting is coming to an end.  I will break my fast after the Holy Saturday Evening Service, so I have just over a day left.  In some ways, it has really gone by quickly.  I am used to not eating.  As my body ages, I think it has gotten easier physically, which is strange.  Nonetheless, the spiritual aspects are still so helpful and also vary from year to year in what God does.  Last year I felt like a lot of stuff was stripped away.  This year I began with an increasing awareness of my own sin, but I seem to have transitioned into more contemplation and thanksgiving.  For example, last night I had a moment where I was kind of just overcome with God’s grace during a part of our worship where we practiced foot washing.  A parishioner washed my feet and then prayed for me.  Being the person who usually prays for others, when parishioners do this in a heartfelt manner, it is always touching.  There was a sweet spirit in that place, and I was at one of several foot washing stations where folks from our church were practicing what Jesus did.  The Holy Spirit was present and I was just incredibly moved by the whole thing.  I am thankful. 

 

I will be very thankful Sunday.  We are not there yet, however.  Today we remember the extent to which God the Son so loved us.  Then on Sunday we can celebrate how that love triumphed over all.  Even death itself.